Weekend Away

Several years ago we started going to Salt Lake City for the weekend at Christmastime. We look at the lights at Temple Square, eat great meals, stay at a nice hotel and order room service. Since we now have the boys, just Savannah and I went.

We had so much fun! We stayed at one of our favorite Marriotts. Nothing beats a great Marriott bed! We went shopping and saw movies. Yes, we saw two movies! We looked at the lights and ran unexpectedly into people we know.

While we were waiting for the Trax, we saw former neighbors from Laramie WY. How crazy is that? We went to the wedding reception for the son of my best friend from high school. I saw her parents that I haven't seen for 10 years. And we ate dinner with Jason's cousins who happened to walk into a restaurant just after us. Only in SLC.

I started the weekend thinking I would get lots of sleep and relax, but instead we did a million fun things. Savannah's highlights are walking back to the hotel at 1 a.m. and getting driven around the block by the valet. He hopped in to move the car and she was still sitting in it. She thought she was getting carjacked! Haha that was funny! We sat for a long time just looking at the lights from the observation window at the JSB. It was so beautiful.

Poop

Warning: This posting contains alot of references to bodily functions. Mainly only one, but if you don't like hearing about it, don't read this. And yes, this is Diga sitting on the potty in the kitchen with his reading material.

I have spent alot of time changing diapers. When Efa came home, I bought diaper disposal sacks. I mostly used them for the poopy diapers. So from March to August, I used 750 sacks. That is roughly about 4 a day. When Diga came home, that doubled and I went crazy. It seemed like all I did was look at, clean up and smell poop.

Almost all Ethiopian adoptive children come home with giardia. If medication is available in ET to treat it, the children will just get it again. Unfortunately, water sanitation is not available. So when Efa came home I knew he had giardia. Because we expected Diga to follow six weeks later, I decided to wait to treat both children at the same time. The only way to test is to submit stool samples. I was not excited to complete that task so I decided to wait. Because of unforeseen circumstances with US Immigration, 6 weeks turned into 5 months.

When Diga came home, we started the stool samples. Testing for giardia was only the beginning. As the chronic diarrhea continued, we collected more samples and tested multiple times for parasites and also for lactose intolerance. I actually became quite proficient at that task I had been trying to avoid. I could scrape diapers and actually not gag. I could gauge exactly how many vials I could fill with one diaper of poop.

Even after all this testing, the diarrhea continued. Finally we met a family that shared some of their child's health concerns with us. It was part of a larger conversation that had nothing to do with our children or ET. But one thing that was mentioned was C-diff. I talked to my resident healthcare professional-Jason and he didn't know anything. What exactly did he spend 4 years in pharmacy school for?

So I went to my back-up healthcare professional and she networked and told me we should test. We discussed it with our pediatrician and he thought it really wasn't possible, but he approved the test. So after another diaper scraping, the test came back positive. I just kept thinking there was one more thing we could test for before we went to see a specialist. So we treated for the C-diff which requires the same medication as giardia and I think we have finally conquered the diarrhea. Yippeeee!

With the chronic diarrhea handled it was time to potty train Diga. After a couple of false starts(on my part), it only took 3 days. 3 days. Yes, that's right 3 days and I am back to one child to change and a little more sane. Let's hear another yippeeeee!

Travel Part II

Even better than the crazy Christians are the exuberant adoptive parents. It's pretty obvious who the parents to be are and who are not. Ethiopian Airline's flight from Dulles to Addis is the preferred choice for traveling families. It's a direct 15 hour flight with only a short stop for refueling. ET Air requires check in at the gate before departure. So in the incredibly long line at the counter are Ethiopians, other Africans, humanitarian workers (they have matching shirts and/or nametags) and a few white people. I felt like I had a huge arrow blinking above my head that said "Adoptive Mother".
To make it worse are the Julies. I call this type of woman a Julie in honor of a former roommate who was just tooooo PERKY! There were a couple of Julies running around so excited they couldn't sit still and they were working the line looking for other families they might know. As one approached us, I could literally feel every muscle in Jason's body stiffen. He really loved my roommate more than I did. We just wanted to be left alone. We were tired. It took all day to fly across the country and we both just wanted to sleep.

There is a song about pioneers that goes: Pioneer children sang as they walked and walked and walked and walked. There should be a song that goes: Airport travelers whine as they walk and walk and walk and walk. There's a lot of walking in airports and sitting and waiting. For the most part, people are nice. I remember walking through the Denver airport on trip#1 with Efa. Efa was this tiny little skinny guy with a huge belly and huge eyes. He was so quiet and literally clung to us. As we walked and walked and walked, I would watch people look at us. We would get smiles from everyone, even the biggest baddest looking biker guys. That's what a cute little Ethiopian baby will do, warm hearts.

On the second visit to ET, we flew Lufthansa. I could not do the 15 hour flight on ET airlines again, especially after the 16 hour return flight turned into 19 hours. By the time we were ready to depart Frankfurt for Addis, I was tired. The waiting area for the flight was entry only with no exiting so we waited until the last minute to go in. As we handed our boarding passes to the agent, we were given new passes. It only took me a few seconds to realize we were upgraded! This can be the part where I thank Jesus. We were given the most wonderful seats in Business class. We didn't have seats we had pods, individual areas where I didn't have to touch anyone else, climb over anyone, step on my backpack or force my seat to recline. I immediately reclined my seat, elevated my feet, threw the comforter over my head and went to sleep. Oh it was wonderful. When I woke up, a few hours later I felt so much better. I wish we didn't have to fly coach everytime!

When we landed in Addis, we were the first off the plane and the first in line for visas. I kept thinking to myself, this is too easy. I had the quick fleeting thought that there will be no one to pick us up. As we made our way to get our luggage, I was prepared. Learning from our first experience, we found our luggage quickly and moved through security. As we exited security, I scanned the crowd looking for our driver. No one was holding a sign with our name and no one looked familiar. I knew that I needed to call someone, I just didn't know how to use a payphone. I approached the first person I saw with a cell phone and asked him to call our agency's facilitator. He did.

Traveling to Africa once is a dream, traveling twice in one year is a blessing. Ethiopia is beautiful and has some of the most humble, integrity filled people I have ever met. We plan on going back, giving back and raising these two beautiful boys that Ethiopia has given us to be wonderful Ethiopian American men.

International Travel- Not Just The Regular Kind-The Jet Hopping Multi Airport Kind!

I was reading a series of articles about using Jet Blue's AYCJ pass that was available this fall. The article was about one traveler's experiences as he traveled to 30 airports in 30 days. As I read the article I was fascinated by his ability to sleep on planes and in airports. Although the idea of this travel style sounded romantic, I do not think I am that kind of traveler. Throw in a baby and some cranky flight attendants and some Germans and I am not that kind of traveler.



I have flown twice to Africa and back this year. I have used two different airlines. I have slept in economy and business class. Which do you think was better? I have met Slovakian Hungarians, Persians, Ethiopians, Germans, crazy Christians, Dutch, Danish, and all kinds of Americans and Africans. I have eaten airplane food, airport food, and my snacks that I brought. I think my snacks were the best. I have been denied boarding a plane with water. I have been awakened by anxious flight attendants who assured me it was time to eat. I have developed instant lung conditions sitting next to unfiltered Chinese cigarettes. Not all airports are smoking segregated. I have sat in front of screaming crying children who could not be consoled. I have lost a stroller, my friend's sweater and my way a few times. I only found the sweater and my way.



And yes I had a panic attack at thousands of feet in the air above the Atlantic Ocean sparked by this question that popped into my head "Melissa, what the hell are you doing?" I did not speak this sentence aloud and for good reason. Knowing my husband, if I had uttered any doubts at this point, I know he would have produced two parachutes and we would have jumped. Actually knowing my husband, we would have been handcuffed by the sky marshalls and imprisoned when we landed in Addis.



Some parts of my plane travels are a little foggy due to lack of sleep or actual sleeping. On the second visit we flew Lufthansa from Addis to Frankfurt. Departing flights leave late at night, so this flight left about 11 pm. This is the flight that we were surrounded by the crazy Christians. I know there are many humanitarian workers that go to Ethiopian. I am not quite sure what they all do. I have only seen them in airports and not in Ethiopia itself. Since we spend the whole time in Addis, we only run into other adoptive families, governmental workers or diplomats. Fortunately, these crazy Christian young adults slept most of this 7 hour leg because it started off with alot of vocal praying. I am tolerant of religions and most religious practices (this does not include insane religions like Elizabeth Smart's kidnappers) but the prayers coming out of their mouths were a bit disconcerting. They would speak in conversation to each other, but every few sentences they would beg Jesus for something.

It went something like this:


Traveler #1 This flight leaves late.


Traveler #2 Yeah, but it's night so I think I will sleep.


T #1 Jesus please help T#2 sleep. Thank you Jesus.


T#2 Is Billy Jo David still not feeling well?


T #1 Yes, he said he needs to see a doctor when we get home.


T #2 Jesus please please bless Billy Jo David that he will be healed and recover. Thank you Jesus.


T #1 Yeah I'm sleeping now.



T#2 Jesus please bless T#1 now. He will be sleeping. Bless him. Thank you Jesus!

At first I thought this was comforting. We all need some prayers as we fly. But that was a lot of Jesus thanking. I wonder if they could just thank him in their hearts sometimes.


This is the end of part I. With kids screaming, fighting, and my need to clean up messes this is just some of my initial thoughts. Also have I mentioned that I hate technology? One of our computers doesn't like to download pictures and the one that does was just repaired but the store gave us the wrong power supply cord so I will end with "UGH"!!!!

I had to find this picture because it was taken this summer when it was HOT!!! It is now snowy and cold, two things I do not enjoy much.

Several times a week, I hear something like this: " You have your hands full" or " Your life must have changed alot" or "Those boys must keep you busy!" I usually just dismiss those comments and don't think much about them. Yes, my life has changed but I wanted it to change. And yes, I now participate in activities that I have not done in a long time, but really these two short black men that I live with now provide nothing but entertainment the entire day. So I don't work now, I don't go shop whenever I want, I haven't seen a movie in a long time and when I start to blog I usually get interrupted. What I really do all day long is play and feed them. Look at those bellies, they like to eat. And since we figured out they had C-diff, I am changing fewer diapers. YIPEE!

What could be better than this?!

I HATE TECHNOLOGY!!

Technology is good. There are so many things I love. I love sexting my husband. I love Hulu. I love Skype. I love picking and choosing and deciding what is best for us to use. Why have satellite TV when everything is available online? Why write checks and mail bills when I can do billpay through my bank? I love ordering food and having it delivered to my door. Living in the country and having two small boys home delivery really makes sense. It's too hard to run to the store for milk and bread.
I also hate technology. I hate it when it doesn't work. We have a fairly new laptop that has a major problem. The repair is half the original purchase price. Really, are you serious?! Apparently, we shouldn't be snuggling with the laptop. So no more watching movies in bed. No more surfing the internet on car trips. The laptop will just have to stay on the counter. Actually the laptop will have to stay on the counter and look pretty, maybe get a little dusty until I decide that it really deserves to get fixed.

Paperwork

Adoption takes alot of paperwork. Alot of paperwork, but really not much more than I expected. It's just a lot of copies of the same thing. Birth certificates, marriage certificates, letters of reference, background checks, letters from the family dr's. The same documents have to be submitted over and over to different entities. The social worker, the adoption agency, US immigration, and the government of Ethiopia. It does take some time to find everything, find the right people locally and there is a lot of quality time spent with the copy machine.


Unfortunately, the paperwork doesn't end when the adoption is final. Children from Ethiopia come home with a name given to them. It is the child's first name, the adoptive father's first name as the middle name and then the adoptive family's last name. So our children came home as Efa Jason Roylane and Digafu Jason Roylance. Those names can be fine, but we wanted to give an American name as well (other than Jason).

So in Utah we register the international adoption with the local state court. This gives us the opportunity to change the name and be issued a foreign born Utah birth certificate. We have an Ethiopian birth certificate listing us as the parents, but a US birth cert would be nice. We filed the papers ourselves which is great because we didn't have to hire an attorney.

Efa is not a US citizen but Diga is. Because we saw Diga in March when we picked up Efa, under US immigration laws Diga became a US citizen when he entered the US. So on August 8, 2010 when we stepped off the plane in Denver after a very long flight from Addis Ababa connecting in Frankurt, Diga automatically became a US citizen. Efa is a permanent resident. He can stay a permanent resident or he can become a US citizen.

We filed the application for citizenship which was returned to us. We had to prove that Jason and I were US citizens. This makes absolutely no sense to me. At what point in the adoption and immigration process did the US government forget that we were US citizens. So we just resent the app with the appropriate paperwork.

It also takes money to adopt. I thought once we were home that the expenditures would stop. No. There are post adoption study expenses. For Ethiopia, we are required to have a social worker submit reports at 3, 6 and 12 months. After that we can do the reports ourselves. The Ethiopian government requires a yearly report until the boys are 18. The Utah district court required a fee for the name change. US Immigration has a fee for every form that needs filed. And I just received a letter from Utah Vital Statistics stating that the new birth certificates are ready, but they cost $55 a piece. Yikes.

We were ready with the adoption fund, but I guess what we really needed to think about was the post adoption fund.

Savannah is 16

This is my favorite photo of Savannah in Ethiopia. She didn't want to go. She didn't tell me how much she didn't want to go until we came home. I thought it would be a good experience for her. An opportunity to see the world beyond the U.S. I would have loved to have traveled internationally when I was a teenager, but she is not like me. I guess that's usually how it is with daughters. Savannah has her own interests, struggles with school subjects I loved, and she loves scary movies-I can't sleep after watching one.

Yesterday Savannah turned 16. She was so excited. Turning 16 is a big deal and it means alot in our culture. She can get a driver's license and date.

Savannah was an only child for 15 years. She had both of us all to herself yet she is not the typical spoiled only child. I don't think it had anything to do with our parenting style. I think it is her nature. She has a goodness and sensitivity about her that is innate. I think that's why she didn't want to go to Ethiopia. She knew the poverty we saw would bother her and she wasn't sure how to process what she would experience.

But she did this hard thing. She went to Ethiopia, saw what the world can be like and came home. She survived. She experienced strange and different food. She handled the beggars and boys selling gum on the street. She breathed the diesel fumes and pollution and was o.k. She gave hugs to the children and held every child that climbed in her lap.

So Happy Birthday to my sweet sweet Savannah. She may not be mine much longer. As she makes her way in the world, I hope that she will become the woman that she is meant to be.

Digafu is 3!

My week of two 2-year-olds has ended as Diga turned 3 yesterday. He walked around the house singing "Happy Birthday" all day. He has gotten so much better with the words and I can understand almost the whole song.

We accepted Diga's referral in January 2010. We had just received news that Efa's court case had passed in Ethiopia. The adoption had been approved and we had selected a date for the US Embassy appointment in Addis Ababa. We were trying to arrange the travel when our agency sent us the information for Diga.

I have decided that it is not a good idea to receive a referral, make travel plans and get released as our church's women's group leader all at the same time. It was one crazy month. As I was trying to figure out where to stay, the best flight, what to do with Savannah and help Jason with his schedule, we were deciding if this cute little Ethiopian should be part of our family.

Diga's social background is different than Efa. He had been malnourished and was showing some signs of medical problems because of lack of proper nutrition. Because of his history, our decision making process was different than Efa. He had known Ethiopian family members and he was malnourished. I was under a great deal of stress and didn't get that same initial rush of emotion and surety that this child was ours like I had with Efa. But after all the things we do when we make decisions, Jason and I knew that Diga should be with us.

Diga is such a sweet boy. He is so different than Efa. Efa was such a baby when we got him and Diga is a little boy. Diga was weak physically when we picked him up. We stayed on the top floor of a guesthouse and he wanted to walk the flights of stairs by himself. This would take forever. He would get so tired and huff and puff, but he really wanted to do it. Now he spends his days running and jumping. He doesn't walk anywhere. He has made such good progress.

Diga is a great sleeper. I can put him in his bed and he goes to sleep. To me that is magical. Children go to sleep by themselves? That has never happened in our house. I live with people who have sleep disorders. Diga is a good eater. He eats vegetables like lima beans. What child does that?

Diga is such a joy and just wants to please us. When I picked him up in Ethiopia, I took a pair of flip flops for him that ended up too big. It's hard to know shoes sizes. He wanted to wear them anyway. He told everyone we met that I was his mommy and I had given him new shoes. He was so proud of them.

I am so lucky to be his 2nd mommy. Diga has an Ethiopian mommy that couldn't take care of him. He has Ethiopian brothers and a sister. It is the most difficult and selfless decision to relinquish a child because of an economic situation. I can not even comprehend how hard it must have been to give up a child. But I am grateful to her that she has shared her son with us. I am humbled and I am privileged to be this child's mother.

I watched a youtube video today about adopting from Ethiopia. There were alot of statistics. Stats make me a little nervous when I see them thrown in a media presentation. Because I studied sociology, I need documentation. I need to know who did the study and what was measured exactly. But the bottom line is that Ethiopia is one of the poorest countries in the world. Children die. Mothers and fathers die. People do not live very long. If a husband dies, a mother has an extremely hard time caring for her children. We complain about health care and poor customer service and surviving to payday, but those are trivial compared to the life that most of the world's population lives.

So to quote my 3-year-old "Happy Birthday to Diga"! We are so glad you are part of our family and so blessed to have you in our lives.

Boise

I love Boise. It is where I grew up. It is where my parents live. It is where I spent the first two years of college. Goooooo Broncos! It is where I do not visit enough.

I love UEA weekends. It is a special reward for living in Utah. UEA is the Utah Education Association. Every October there is no school on a random Thursday and Friday so educators can go to classes or congregate. What it means for the Roylances is vacation. We have used these four day weekends to go OUT OF THE STATE. Sometimes the weekend has coincided with Savannah's birthday so one year we went to Disneyland and another year to San Diego.

This year we went to Boise. We had so much fun. Jason only came for a day and then he had to do what he does best-work. We shopped, ate out, stayed up late, got up early and went to Savannah's favorite place-the zoo.

My friend Kim joined us and it was so great to see her. We went to high school together and started college together. She is the most awesome dancer and has her own studio. She also is the mother of a son in college. WOW!

It was giraffe feeding time so Savannah had the opportunity to feed Julius. He was big. I don't think I have been this close to a giraffe. It's very intimidating and awesome, but it was great for Savannah.

Grandma

What is it about Grandma? What makes Grandma the coolest person in the world.? What makes Grandma so special that two-year-old #1 would not stop talking about her for the first 45 minutes of the car ride here. O.K. I really don't understand much of what he says because it's a mixture of Amharic and English, but he used the words "grandma" and "kitty" alot.

Grandma came twice in August and we Skype. I was gone for one night, literally one night and Diga didn't like me. It took him two weeks to like me again. Grandma does not live close, but he really likes her and doesn't forget her. I just don't get it. O.K. I do get it because this is my mother I'm talking about and I really like her. I really really like her. Maybe it's because she will get on the floor and play with them. Maybe it's because she will pull them around forever in the wagon. Maybe it's because she will always pick them up and carry them everywhere. Maybe it's just that they know how cool she is. Because I do.

Grandma is the person that always, no matter how late I was out, stayed up waiting for me to come home. Grandma is the person who no matter what crazy idea I came up with supported me. Grandma is the person who paid for me to go on a dream study abroad program. Grandma let me drive her everywhere as a teenage driver. These are all things I struggle with. Ask my teenage daughter if I have ever waited up for her and see what she says.

Grandma is way way cool. She is my biggest supporter. She is wise and loving. I am so glad she is my mother and such a loved grandma.

Ethiopia

This is a great article about adoption in Ethiopia. Ethiopia changed my life. It really did.


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39636986/39625809

2's

For one week we will have 2 two-year-olds. Yipee for us!

When we started this adoption journey, we were approved by USCIS for 2 children. We thought we would bring home a sibling group possibly young elementary school-age. When we began looking at referrals and children on rainbowkids.com, we knew that we should accept Efa. He was younger than I had anticipated. He was 1 at the time. I also knew that accepting him meant that we would not be accepting a sibling group. We could only look at future referrals for a single child. It meant that paperwork would be handled separately, we would have to have 2 copies of everything. It meant that fees would be higher. It meant that we would most likely be taking two trips to Ethiopia. It meant that what we thought we should do wasn't really meant to be.

So Happy Birthday to my sweet sweet boy Aaron EfaJima Roylance who is 2 today. It's his first birthday party ever. His first cupcake. His first candle. His first present. Just how it was meant to be.

First Glimpse

This was the photo that melted my heart. It still makes my heart melt. I carried this photo around on my phone and looked at it all the time. I would show it to Jason and say "Look that's your son."

Beginnings

I've had this blog set up for a few months. I haven't actually posted anything, but I think I am ready. We have had huge changes in our life this last year. I couldn't document our adoption journey because it was too personal and too boring. Who really wants to know about paperwork gathering. Who wants to know about visiting the County Sherrif's office for a background check or the trips to the notary. How could I possibly share those feelings when I looked at the first picture of Efa and knew he should be ours-those feeling were mine and I wasn't ready to share them yet.

It has been a year since we accepted the referral for Efa. He was listed on rainbowkids.com by our agency and I think I looked at his profile everday until it was removed. We accepted a second referral for Diga a few months later. It has been a crazy year, but we have experienced so much joy that it's unbelievable. I think I am ready to write about it now. I think I am ready to share. So this blog will be about our decisions that led us to adoption, our life with a teenager and our life that brings the unexpected.